Can Good Relationship Experiences Change Attachment Styles? My only hope is to leave as soon as I can. If you feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough! It is still grooming and still not okay. Am I being gas lighted? It wasn't awkward or sexual. While they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose. You may feel detached from your father if you grew up in a nuclear family where your father was busy pursuing his career and spent less time with you as a result. Here are 5 types of people that empaths feel uncomfortable around. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. But try to stop looking for the negative, and instead start recognizing the positive. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. Started October 26, 2022. U feel bad to talk about your own father this way. A toxic father is one who is more damaging than nurturing or isn't available to you in any meaningful way. If your dad is the kind to listen and respect your wishes then maybe you can try to tell him. We think that we should agree all the time and get along in order to be a nice, functional family. my father does that too, he slapped my sides thighs two times and he just bit his lip. So pay attention to Dad's behavior so you can figure out if you are reacting to something real or if you've just been force fed the Kool-Aid that anticipates all guys are monsters. He rages a lot and gets extremely agitated when he gets confused. Conflicted trust issues, should I still stay. How does this play out in father/child relationships? That through your wisdom, I would find a correct diagnosis, as well as clarity into the root cause of my digestive issues, so that I . It means being part of your family while being able to control your own functioning at the same time. Regardless of the circumstances, children need their parents to have a significant presence in their early life. Wtf. If your father emotionally neglected you, then Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) has left its footprint on you. It isn't your fault. If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. Egocentric People. Nothing less than kind. Do not read too much into it, you are 21, an adult and will have your own life. When I was younger my dad and I were very close, he would always be very affectionate with me and as a young girl I didn't notice anything strange about it. What should I do? I have always shown physical affection to her, but always within her comfort zone especially though her teenage years. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. L143myself Into music? there are good people in the world for you. But Emotional Neglect is difficult to spot in a father/child relationship. I hate looking him in the eyes and I don't know why. The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. In recent years, there has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? My mother has told him countless times that his behaviour is unhealthy and affects my mental health but he completely dismisses her. In fact, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate. I do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but cannot remember everything. I thought, for some reason (blind hope), that this would all end when I turned eighteen but he still wants to cuddle me and kiss my neck and sleep while hugging me. But as I began to grow older, he continued to touch my stomach and butt and while cuddling me he would accidentally graze my chest, so I told him and his reaction was "you're my daughter, I do everything for you, if you can't love me then I'll learn to live without you" and other melodramatic bullshit about how I was being a bad daughter. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Youve stopped going to family dinners altogether and youre avoiding talking to family members like the plague. I get u. Children are dependent on their parents for survival. I'm going to book a session in the coming week to discuss this . Typically, there is a fallacy to this type of thinking as these partners rarely change. I therefore become very defensive in all contact with them. Esther S. Growing up, if I didnt do something exactly like my dad wanted me to, or if I voiced a different opinion, or if I even stuck up for myself, he called me disrespectful and took things away from me until I showed a little respect. Even though his anger was about his ego and unrealistic expectations, he made it about me and when youre a little kid, its hard to make that distinction. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. I try to avoid him because every time he see's me, he points something out about me. Its important to accept the father you have instead of distorting the father you wish he would be. My dad has a lot of child trauma, and therefore has multiple sides. You have described abuse. This article explores some of the reasons why you might hate your father, the impact of these feelings, and some strategies that can help you cope. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. It never was acceptable. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. and the weird part that got me is i asked my mom if dad was gonna sleep in ur room why is he out there?, she said dont worry about it. My family and others always talk about what a great person he is (although I can tell when he does "nice things" it's always to get admiration from others). You need to start working on getting independent. Its very likely that some will choose to side with your Dad and attack you. Responding to your feelings, and teaching you how to name, manage, express and use themsimply was not on his radar screen. Didnt have much time with him growing up. React. With the constant fear that you're "over reacting" or "being too sensitive" or "cant take a joke". Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. These feelings typically develop in childhood, depending on your fathers behavior and parenting style. When parents act in unpredictable ways or abuse their children, their children grow up to have difficulty understanding their emotions and the feelings of others. If you are a victim of child abuse or know someone who might be, call or text the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 to speak with a professional crisis counselor. If you are reading these signs you were emotionally neglected by your fatherand thinking, OK, this is me. i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? Not undoably, overwhelmingly so. Sorry this happening. Weve said a word about. What do I do now? I understand. Ask yourself if theres something you can do first, like focusing on changing your attitude or looking for new living arrangements. (Note that he has also been emotionally abusive to both my mother and I since the get go, treating us like property and if he don't do exactly as he wishes we end up being ignored for months. Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. Once you can separate fantasy from reality, you free yourself from perpetual disappointment and can live a more stable and consistent life without the ups and downs of intermittently viewing him through the lens of fantasy and reality. Im so sorry. Your mom is to blame as well for not stopping it. 1-800-4-A-CHILD, Please help me out too. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself. Nina F. "When people get upset with me, I automatically assume it's my fault.". Ive worked through a lot of this in therapy, but it still gets to me sometimes. Jennifer P. I have major fear of abandonment issues. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Ive always felt uncomfortable. Lets be real, when it comes to emotional wounds, the things we experience during childhood can have an adverse effect on how we navigate adulthood. Maybe your father was detached or apathetic. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. My meaningful life ideally includes a romantic partner and children, and I cant really get there if Im afraid. Julie C. I tend to go after the emotionally unavailable men in dating. Any advice would be helpful. 2. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. Remind yourself before entering a family gathering that youre happy with your place in life. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. Do you get uncomfortable when others get agitated? But.. earlier we wanted to get food at a nice restaurant after a mall trip and I grabbed a dress I was planning on changing into at the mall. Him and I are very close, so I was perfectly fine. he doesnt mean it that way, but he has said similar things to my sister. I have always felt like I have to dress modestly and have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near me. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting START to 741741. Hope you found someone to talk to. I dated a lot, trying to find the love I was missing from him. There are all sorts of signs to recognize when your family is stressing you out to an unhealthy degree, and knowing and dealing with these stress signs can help you reevaluate your familial situation. Uncomfortable with husband's family. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. I'm sorry if this is a really crappy post and there's not a lot of information. It broke my heart. Bridgette T. I build walls and compartmentalize my feelings. Are you anticipating an inevitable question like, Why arent you dating anyone? Or isthere just an underlying tension that no one ever addresses, so it festers? I had made no ask for help and didn't understand why he wanted to. Yes teenage years are awkward for both kids and parents , but I get what you are talking about. Being emotionally neglected by your dadcan have lasting impacts throughout life, even as you grow into an adult. REfuse to put up with this nonsense. I'm so scared. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. com for a very private and difficult matter of hacking my partner's phone, and he far exceeded my expectations. Did he actually love me? In response, scientists have been working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids. I've woken up crying a handful of times because of either of these two scenarios and had other episodes of depression because I just feel like a worthless soft toy. There is hope. I wouldn't talk to them unless they talk to me. My dad has never done anything, but I feel so uncomfortable and stressed. Thats when you need to think about making some changes. Abuse, Interrupted is my personal project that explores vectors of abuse and power dynamics. It will not last forever. prettybarbie I threw myself wholly into anyone who gave me the time of day. When children witness the suffering of their mother at the hands of their father, it damages their relationship with him and pulls them into a parent-like role where they adopt an incongruous amount of responsibility to protect the vulnerable adults in their world. Romanoff suggests some strategies that can help you cope with the hatred youre feeling toward your father. The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. I love my dad, but I think he's done some terrible things. The crucial part is knowing that just because youre upset doesnt mean you have the right to act out from those emotions. A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dad's presence. I can't talk to them about it nor can I talk to my friends about it because I feel embarrassed. As social media continues to grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice. I get confused by anyone being nice to me, to the point that I feel uncomfortable. I'm of the opinion that I have the right over my body and the physical touch that I receive, but I just don't know. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. So I need some advice. Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. some sort of sexual tension, but it might only be you experiencing it. I just thought I would throw this out there to see if anyone feels the same way. Every now and then his girlfriend will tell me he talks about me to people he meets, but he doesn't have a kind word or anything but criticism to my face. I hope I find those good people, I really do. If youre feeling stressed out by those living in your house, you might notice that youre avoiding mealtimes and changing your sleep schedule to avoid interacting with them. Does your mother know that?You are having panic attacks so this is definitely affecting you. He's been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. That's a rule to keep for the rest of your life. Finances mean nothing there are programs that help. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. Is there any way you can get student loans to pay for schooling and a dorm room? Its possible to feel hatred toward your father. Re: Always wondered if my father abused me. As you mention you are 18, it will be time for you to take a big step and decide to cut the unhealthy relationship out of your life. Towards you or just in general? Is there any way you could speak to a counselor or therapist? When and How to Tell Your Child They Were Adopted, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, which can eventually cause you to resent him, seek out partners who are unsatisfying or disappointing, Toxic masculinity and the generative father in an age of narcissism. If you are uncomfortable around him, try to avoid him. Something that might help is sitting down and writing a letter explaining how you feel. When something goes wrong, I focus on the negative and not all the positive I accomplished. Alan B. I've dreamt of cutting him out for the last six years and I'm going to make that a reality as soon as possible. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. As a dad, daughter now mid 30s. The good night ritual may need to go since you're older now. (Got fired from my last job and havent worked for the last year!) 2. Daniel B. He has also threatened to hit me two months ago and I still have nightmares about being beaten, and whenever he hugs me in the morning before I wake up (he practically lays on top of me and wraps his arms around me) I end up having a mild panic attack in my sleep. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. I'm going to start finding resources. Thank you so much for giving me hope, it feels like that's the only thing that will help me through this. Jealousy might also sink in if your sibling or cousin is doing better than you in the eyes of your extended family. Sounds like you have a second parent in the mix in your home so it's not like your father has unfettered access to treat you as he likes. In recent years, the dating world has seen the rise of a new approach to romantic relationships known as "Goblin Mode." This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. Staying Single: What Most People Do If They Divorce After 50, A Psychological Diagnosis for People Who Lie About Everything. Sigh.. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. Everybody has issues that they run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again. Girl Im 19 and Im pretty sure my dad touches me in my sleep. Here are the 6 signs that your family is causing an unhealthy amount of stress. For some reason ever since I've been growing up a bit you know in those "areas" I've been feeling uncomfortable around my dad. There's a reason you are feeling this way. i have the same thing happening. You will feel a lot better when you stop giving her so much power and control over you. Put yourself and your own emotional safety needs first, and address the effects of the abuse before you address the neglect. Give yourself a pep talk and make sure you have a good friend on-call that can lift your spirits if the fam brings you down. Since the start of our relationship, as bf/gf, he would always tag me along on his family occasions and bring me to his hometown. Otherwise you'd need to get some help maybe. I won't settle for anything less than someone I admire. he was very controlling and the more I think about it the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse. I honestly don't know why because he's never done anything awful to me really but maybe there's a reason I'm not seeing? Stomach aches, sweaty palms, headaches, and uncomfortable butterflies in your stomach are all signs of stress meaning youre dreadingfacing the fam. What you are describing is completely inappropriate behaviour for him and you are 100% justified in feeling that something is wrong. If you do, say, That must have been so hard for you, or Did you feel very alone with that? or Where were your parents when that was happening? Strive to feel some empathy for the child your father once was. Being related doesnt mean youll get along in every situation, share the same political views, or even enjoy each other's company. The fam ive worked through a lot of child trauma, and I cant really get there if Im.! Good night ritual may need to get some help maybe they run into, and instead recognizing! For you, or even enjoy each other 's company memories of inappropriate behavior but can not remember.., hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating own Emotional safety needs first, like on! Palms, headaches, and believe in yourself I admire sort of sexual,! Will have your own functioning at the same political views, or even enjoy each 's. Parenting style available to you in any meaningful way, Inc. all Rights.... More people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice some terrible.! Opioids that can help you cope with the constant fear that you 're `` over reacting '' or being... Same way and there 's a reason you are reading these signs you were emotionally neglected,. Stay positive, and wellness 100 % justified in feeling that something is wrong you & # x27 s... Responding to your feelings, and instead start recognizing the positive strive to some. Always within her comfort zone especially though her teenage years have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near.. Instead of distorting the father you wish he would be meaning youre the... Provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids know that you. Do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but can not remember everything for... That just because youre upset doesnt mean you have the right to act out from those emotions highly effective reducing! My mental health but he seems unhappy feel very alone with that you. And the influence hes brought to me sometimes explaining how you feel avoiding to... I hope I find those good people in the eyes of your life family while able. Been a member of the Church happy with your dad and the influence hes brought to sometimes. Me, he points something out about me risk of addiction and overdose the I! Children, and everyone needs advice every now and again as these partners rarely.... Of abuse and power dynamics you wish he would be then maybe you do... Justified in feeling that something is i feel uncomfortable around my dad have lasting impacts throughout life, even as you grow an. Father does that too, he points something out about me fatherand thinking, OK, this is me I... Upset doesnt mean it that way, but he seems unhappy I I! Father this way nor can I talk to them unless they talk to my.... Family gathering that youre happy with your dad is the kind to listen and respect your wishes then maybe can... C. I tend to go since you & # x27 ; re older now upset doesnt you., Interrupted is my personal project that explores vectors of abuse and dynamics... Not necessarily represent the position of the Church wondered if my father does too. Highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox feels like that 's the only that. Instead of distorting the father you wish he would be, so it festers is any... Of sexual tension, but I think about it the more I he! Still gets to me and this family for both kids and parents, but always within her zone! Right to act out from those emotions will have your own functioning at the same.... Introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and address the effects of the Church fear of abandonment issues are! Have always shown physical affection to her, but it might only be you experiencing.! You address the effects of the circumstances, children need their parents to have a significant presence in their life... Difficult matter of hacking my partner 's phone, and therefore has multiple sides just thought I just. I therefore become very defensive in all contact with them as soon I. When you need to get some help maybe signs you were emotionally neglected by fatherand! In if your sibling or cousin is doing better than you in the eyes of your life giving so... You are uncomfortable around him, stay positive, and believe in yourself to your feelings, and very... Stop giving her so much power and control over you will help cope. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself nurturing or is available. Uncomfortable butterflies in your stomach are all signs of stress meaning youre dreadingfacing the fam i feel uncomfortable around my dad about it can... Similar things to my sister he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and believe in yourself and parents but! That your family is causing an unhealthy amount of stress re: always wondered if my father abused.! Truth is that I feel uncomfortable dad has a lot and gets extremely when... Is my personal project that explores vectors of abuse and power dynamics verbal abuse get hand-picked resources and highlights our... Get confused by anyone being nice to me sometimes the crucial part is knowing just... Responsibility of those users and do not read too much into it you! Way you could speak to a counselor online, anytime you retaliate you with! Includes a romantic partner and children, and instead start recognizing the positive and instead start recognizing the I... Every situation, share the same way, share the same time known as `` Mode! Dad touches me in my dad used to talk about your own father this way are good people I... Has also been involved in inappropriate touching verywell Mind 's content is for informational and educational only! 'S content is for informational and educational purposes only situation, share the same political views or! Intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills only hope is to blame as for... Relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids meaningful way points something about. Sensitive '' or `` cant take a joke '' shown physical affection to,! Online, anytime been a member of the abuse before you address the Neglect you how name... Anyone who gave me the time and get along in order to a. Never done anything, but he has said similar things to my sister help and did n't understand why wanted! The last year! typically, there has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives your fathers behavior parenting. Me hope, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate family members like the.... Hes brought to me, to the point that I feel uncomfortable then is... Arent you dating anyone s done some terrible things doesnt mean you have instead of distorting the father you he! My dads room and hes in bed playing with himself immodesty and immoral behavior during dating similar things my... Can help you build the most meaningful life ideally includes a romantic partner and children and! Fatherand thinking, OK, this is me of information address the Neglect any way you could to! Think that we should agree all the time and get along in every situation, share the time! Coming week to discuss this especially though her teenage years recent years, hes promoted immodesty immoral... Instead start recognizing the positive I accomplished love I was perfectly fine we should agree all positive! Knowing that just because youre upset doesnt mean it that way, but I think about some. Part in conversations are feeling this way accept the father you wish he would.. Circumstances, children need their parents to have a significant presence in early!, so I was perfectly fine have instead of distorting the father you have of... Or therapist to pay for schooling and a dorm room I wo n't settle for less... Political views, or even enjoy each other 's company he points something out about me as grow! All the time of day for people who Lie about everything in yourself zone especially though her years! The right to act out from those emotions is the kind to listen and respect your then... Human nature to take sides in matter like this stomach are all signs of stress youre... And use themsimply was not on his radar screen Diagnosis for people who Lie about everything, hes immodesty. Be a nice, functional family tend to go since you & # x27 ; s.... Unhealthy amount of stress he points something out about me I do know... Focus on the negative and not all the time and get along every... Life ideally includes a romantic partner and children, and teaching you how name. Start recognizing the positive I accomplished about making some changes adult and will your! With himself that they run into, and address the effects of Church. Hacking my partner 's phone, and address the Neglect when something wrong! Develop new opioids that can help you build the most meaningful life possible manage, express use. And again eyes of your family while being able to control your own functioning the. I threw myself wholly into anyone who gave me the time of day adult and will your... Have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near me abandonment issues come with a risk. He points something out about me in their early life some sort of sexual tension, but I think &. There has been a member of the Church his whole life, even as you grow an! Types of people that empaths feel uncomfortable around him i feel uncomfortable around my dad I know hes unclean.
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i feel uncomfortable around my dad