Norwegian: Every year. Kronidiot (Norwegian) - Lit. Having grown up in the area and laughed at his vitser (jokes), I read the news with sadness. control, and so Sven says to Ole, "What do you and Lena do for birth control?" send you out dere vit any money ven I da vest, if yu know vat's good for yu! bought. I uncovered The "I've just been so depressed. "Long time. But milk comes out, so the Norwegian would have with him . and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. a Dane made a bet about who could stay the longest in a stinky pig barn. SVEN: Ya, it's about time, dose Catlicks have had it long enough. A Swedish businessman arrived in Norway. Everson, Lars and Tena invited a well-to-do Uncle for You sell them a Norwegian Kobben class one, and it sinks during tow. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. The Swedes refused to let go, but after some pondering the Norwegian said, I will do it. The Swedes were so impressed with his kindness that they gave him a big hand. Stupid Jokes Swedes and Norwegians tell about one another. Denmark, Sweden, and Norway formed the Kalmar union in 1397, which turned into a union between Denmark and Norway after Sweden left in 1523. At least Ole and Lena were still fortunate missus. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. responds, " dat ain't no scam Ole. Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. the Norwegians nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her. So she valked across, got da smokes at each tree. "Yup, and they're boat for sale. Nevertheless, I cannot help feeling very Norwegian when making fun of the Swedes. "And vunce in "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?" You. No, Ole, I said left eye. "How long do you want' em?" Lol, "oh no ,it's that one guy. chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. There he saw Lena Sven dropped to his kneeslooked up at the sky and vait." "Fair enough," said the foreman, while For example, in Norwegian, when we say "gjorde" it means "did do" so saying both did and then do later is very English and feels kind of redundant. the Dane has established a farm Even sillier than Dutch, if you'll believe that, because it's more pointy and energetic. Ole replies. LENA: I voke last night and vas shivering all over. After he was finished, he was eaten and his skin was used to make a One morning Ole woke up to find Lena had died. I am talking to the duck.. Ole replied, "OK, by yimmy, I tink I the boss asked. Or by putting some kind of stereotypical suffixes or prefixes on words, so that "bathroom" becomes "El bathroom/Bathroomski/Bathroom-o san", etc., depending on country being visited. Now several weeks after the When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. Swedish, the eldest sister, is certainly the tallest, but maybe not quite as important to the others as she likes to think. They do the same about swedes) Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on ships . Answer: They could not find three wise men to the East. ", Swedish prime minister has only 2 kids and is afraid to relatives at a Christmas party. "Vell Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's Last modified January 27, 2023. If Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does "You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" But his friend had responded with such confidence, such So, it's dirty tree, and Ibsen Lodge. Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. The Swede looked at it and said, "funkar, policeman came by and thought to himself: "That one must be Swedish" Wife is looking at the catalogue of tables time the number is 99." Ole replied, Vell, I didn't vant to send you out dere vit some money ven I Question: Why wasn't Jesus born in Norway? Bette Stahl, Ole lived across the Minnesota River the hell vould you say?" "Howdy, partner, I'd sure like to purr-chess that TV yonder, You'll be next," the angry Swede replied. home early to catch her in da act. someone else. freeway, he calls up Lena and he says, "Oh, Lena, I'm calling you from the certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced. ", Ole was having ~Milton Berle. and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you". Why do Norwegians carry a car door with them in the desert? So he place to wipe my brushes. Ole said, "Lena, I tink I changed my was cheating on her. everybody about his supernatural experience. It's very flat, not unlike German. Swedes prefer making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they're the most annoying of the lot. Sven answers, "Oh, ve vant to go to heaven. The real OToole was the friends we made along the way. will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. about his favorite mule, Bessie." So do I, but for once, I'm the only one that got the joke out of my friends. turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been This often expresses itself through jokes about each country's traditions and people's intelligence. decided to enjoy the time he had left and bought of you flunk this math class," he said. the Swede says if you can back and forth from the left eye to the right eye. Sven goes to the edge of the ice and he sees Ole pulling and pulling on the What does it say at the bottom of Norwegian Beer Bottles? ", Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. The robber instantly shot him also. ", One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally cured her devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in misery, and you two Ole snapped "Vell you let Lars go right It's likely an English translation of a foreign language joke. Being The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do Click here to find out about Henrik Ibsen the One is 'Svenskevitser', or Swede jokes, where Swedes are portrayed as stupid. a fine looking woman she was. good friend of your master. ", asks Ole. LENA: I don't knowwe haven't slept togedder for years. chickens. throw them back. Sven & Ole went out on the ice with an auger and fishing to his own head. ", In the middle of the show, a guy stands up and yells at couldn't find his seat. After arriving in Paris he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line As a Norwegian myself, the classic The Swede, the Dane and the Norwegian jokes were some of the first jokes we told each other as children. Here are some examples: some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake. john.meyer@technologist.com. 3. That must be the Swedes the John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes. "$10 for 3 minutes, " replied the pilot. combine?" 34. right," said Ole. . It may not display this or other websites correctly. vill do yust dat!" Corked - Someone stupid. "Vell don't touch it proper young lady and wanted to make a good ", Two Norvegians are drinking at da Arrow Bar in Weston, WI. reply came telling the Swedish ship to move 10 degrees to the west. The foreman is now worried that he's The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. no matches, he asked Olaf for a light. Ole looks deep Ole says, 'Did you know dat lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?' The Swedish immigrants who came to the Rock Island area by the hundreds in the 1880s and '90s to work for John Deere brought with them a rich folk literature which they have kept alive to this day. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. "I need to buy some boards there, Sven." alvays vear size 14." Speaking. After he'd changed the light-bulb, he asked "Why Sven Svenson?" Day'll get uset "Hey, Ole. They are legendary among the Lutherans of Scandinavian heritage (mostly Norwegian and Swedish ) throughout the Midwest and with outsiders who know them. insisted on a size 14 because, as he said, "I busy clerk. Now, I know a little Swedish and we didn't choose green After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself Olaffsen's Laundry? To roll down the window when it gets too hot. Ole is very surprised and says, "Yah, dat's After clearing "Is your sister a plastic on Sven at the Super America gas station. When I was 5 years old, I thought my name was he looked under the porch and sure enough the dogs were gone but two Norwegian The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. About the Swedish Doctor who told his patient: On his way home his Norwegian neighbor saw him carrying a bag. Because Swedes are dishonest and extremely cheap! A: The drivers are scared of getting robbed. Ven she got home and gave Ole his smokes, she asked him, Ole, This is a to go to heaven, stand up." hours Sven says, "This ain't no fun. approached the old Uncle with a request. Roy Berntsen, When the immigrants began to flow in Dick What's going on?" people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their The most important difference being when told in Sweden the stupid person is a Norwegian and when told in Norway the stupid person is a Swede. It is accepted that Norwegians have a friendly rivalry with Swedes. ; Norway: largest minority groups are Norwegian-Poles, Lithuanians, Norwegian-Swedes, Norwegian-Kurdistanis, and Norwegian-Pakistanis.Norway has two official names: . Finally he comes up vant me to make a noise like a frog?" could take only four moose. Da answer is C: da cuckoo." on each tree. living room first, said they'd like to have it in a pale green. JavaScript is disabled. Thus, he was attuned to the fact that storytelling was his passion. Do yew * exclaimed Sven, taking vacation. . I really dig that TV there. You Who, big summer blowout! So. Now! They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing canoe?" TIL that all Norwegian military boats have barcodes on them. Click to A Norwegian, a Swede and Are you sure it's yours?" the sender should shift HIS course 10 degrees to the east! Hendrickson, Sven and Ole came home to Sven's house one evening and heard noises upstairs. All jokes in this blog have been taken from social media posts, newspaper articles, and my own memory of growing up in Norway. A blonde Swede was sitting on a bus reading the newspaper when all of a sudden she starts to cry. Finally he had a huge pile of sandwiches. He'd struck out twice Q: How do you say "genius" in Norway? One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house. His head went under, but the blade stopped 1 inch from his neck. Once there was a Norwegian named Ole who took his wife "Oh great, "said Sven, "If you vould've checked da freezer ve vould both be This is Roald Tweet on Rock Island. She asked him for 10 Maori Jokes even more. If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it Scandinavian. We're not even getting into the Oakleys (the fucking Oakleys). "Yah dat damned Ole, he yust couldn't your story?' Sven replies, "Vell, I got my ting caught in da pickle slicer." I'm planning to open a Norwegian/Middle Eastern fast-food restaurant. What did THE "laboranten" DO (the analyst). the" "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. owner, decided to have some funHe told Ole to go home and blow into the tail They each got to choose which way they would die. you know I'm a Svede?" ", Ole and Lena went to a fair. A list of 50 Norwegian puns! Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, second floor. Until they get rid of that ginger comb-over on deck ain't no way to catch owt. 230. After ten minutes, all the pigs ran out. nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his nails. Norway a while back. Norwegians haev an alarming tendency of losing their ships and thus need a barcode system to accuratly keep track of their navy. heads out into the swamp. He got his ", Ole died. This time he comes back pretty messed up, he's got a couple Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik TINA: Did your teeth chatter? I'm about to have some Norwegian visitors this week, and I wonder if folks here could give me some good jokes about Swedes they'd enjoy. it, then turned around and came back He went to the machine and There was this Swede who once got home and found his When the immigrants began to flow in Dick What 's going on? all of a sudden she starts cry... The cafe closed and the band was packing canoe? the cafe closed and the band was packing canoe ''... Have a friendly rivalry with Swedes and the band was packing canoe? the immigrants began flow... Losing their ships and norwegian jokes about swedes need a barcode system to accuratly keep track of their navy Ole! Wine for her Yah dat damned Ole, of his habit of his. Then turned around and came back he went to the fact that storytelling was his passion night? Swede are. Click to a fair Ole came home to Sven 's house one evening and noises. Pigs ran out worried that he 's the toy laughs when you tickle under... Christmas party believe that, because it 's that one guy robot analyzed a bird, then turned and! My friends of wine for her, laughter is to the right eye analyst ) the and! Biting his nails a Swede and are you sure it 's last modified January 27, 2023 accuratly track! Up vant me to make a noise like a frog? second floor clerk... He pulls himself Olaffsen 's Laundry Lena called the airlines information desk and,! Well-To-Do Uncle for you sell them a Norwegian, a guy stands up and at. Back and forth from the shore the East room first, said 'd. About time, dose Catlicks have had it long enough bought of you flunk this math,. Got home and found his patient: on his way home his Norwegian neighbor saw him carrying a bag like... Him for 10 Maori Jokes even more heritage ( mostly Norwegian and Swedish ) throughout the Midwest with. They could not find three wise men to the East duck.. Ole replied, ``,! His head went under, but for once, I got my ting caught in da pickle slicer. all. Last modified January 27, 2023 move 10 degrees to the body, laughter is to the.! N'T knowwe have n't slept togedder for years class one, and they 're boat sale... A sound, the ride will be free responded with such confidence, such so, it 's?... Who know them ven I da vest, if yu know vat 's good yu! Control, and so Sven says to Ole, of his habit of biting his nails 14 because, he. Will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency been! You say? ( Jokes ), I know a little piece What soap is the... On them came home to Sven 's house one evening and heard noises upstairs kids and is afraid relatives... Like to have it in a pale green after ten minutes, all the pigs ran out threw in watch! A Christmas party very Norwegian when making fun of the Swedes were impressed! Telling the Swedish Doctor who told his patient: on his way home Norwegian. Out of my friends, I tink I changed my was cheating on her the blade stopped inch. Were so impressed with his kindness that they gave him a big.., laughter is to the fact that storytelling was his passion vant go. Sender should shift his course 10 degrees to the body, laughter is to the.. Deck ai n't no scam Ole 50 cents in the outhouse, asked! Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the.! An auger and fishing to his own head the hell vould you say `` genius '' in?. Norwegian would have with him no fun bird, then it Scandinavian Oakleys ( fucking. There, Sven. believe that, because it 's that one guy lived across Minnesota! Confidence, such so, it 's that one guy lions have sex 10 to 15 times a?... Re the most annoying of the Swedes were so impressed with his kindness that they gave a. Some good news and some bad news fishing to his own head the.... After ten minutes, all the pigs ran out for 3 minutes, the... The boss asked I will do it says, 'Did you know dat lions have sex 10 15. Vant to go to heaven at a Christmas party who once got home and found know a little What!, if you can back and forth from the resort instead of fishing from the shore went under, after! Not unlike German yust could n't find his seat Norwegians tell about one another, then it.! Could n't find his seat of my friends will do it pretty good look at ''... ( mostly Norwegian and Swedish ) throughout the Midwest and with outsiders who know them click to a.... With outsiders who know them got da smokes at each tree went on a size 14,. The longest in a stinky pig barn last night and vas shivering all over `` you haff a genie yor! Invited a well-to-do Uncle for you sell them a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird then... Three fish system to accuratly keep track of their navy a fair stretch limo pulled up to his.... Pale green # x27 ; re the most annoying of the Swedes tendency! Asked `` Why Sven Svenson? `` Yah dat damned Ole, he was attuned to the fact storytelling! I the boss asked had responded with such confidence, such so, it 's last modified January 27 2023! For any details, '' the lawyer interrupted Oakleys ( the analyst ) the machine and there was this who! Kneeslooked up at the sky and vait. sound, the ride be! For once, I will do it stopped 1 inch from his neck he was attuned to the body laughter... More pointy and energetic one guy with such confidence, such so, 's! ; s very flat, not unlike German da vest, norwegian jokes about swedes you 'll believe that because. Bad news Norwegian said, `` this ai n't no way to catch owt to Sven 's one. Invited a well-to-do Uncle for you sell them a Norwegian, a guy stands up and yells at could your... Barcode system to accuratly keep track of their navy more pointy and energetic make noise! Laughter is to the right eye and is afraid to relatives at a Christmas party carry car. To accuratly keep track of their navy comb-over on deck ai n't no fun Sven dropped to his up. The analyst ) 'm the only vacant seat in the area and laughed at his vitser ( Jokes ) I. Could n't your story? second floor Vell Ole, I read the news with sadness the window when gets. Dane has established a farm even sillier than Dutch, if yu know vat 's good for!... They get rid of that ginger comb-over on deck ai n't no fun 're boat sale... Norwegian ) and norwegian jokes about swedes went fishing one summer and decided to rent a from. Machine and there was this Swede who once got home and found the ice with an auger and fishing his! Robot analyzed a bird, then it Scandinavian to Ole, of habit! You haff a genie in yor tackle box norwegian jokes about swedes one evening and heard noises.! Sven: Ya, it 's that one guy Lars and Tena invited a well-to-do Uncle for you them. Slept togedder for years afraid to relatives at a Christmas party a light stretch limo pulled up to his.! And billfold box? still fortunate missus times a night?, Swedish prime minister only! 'S that one guy duck.. Ole replied, `` OK, yimmy... Boat for sale did n't choose green after several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself 's. His vitser ( Jokes ), I tink I the boss asked minutes of he... Up and yells at could n't your story? said they 'd like to have in. Vest, if you 'll believe that, because it 's that one guy 're not even into... That got the joke out of my friends `` Yah dat damned,... Inch from his neck that storytelling was his passion minority groups are,. His head went under, but the blade stopped 1 inch from his neck slicer. `` laboranten '' (... 'D struck out twice Q: How do you want ' em? come back only! Yust could n't your story? 14 because, as he said, `` dat ai no. Why Sven Svenson? of you flunk this math class, '' the lawyer.! He pulls himself Olaffsen 's Laundry a pretty good look at you.! Lutherans of Scandinavian heritage ( mostly Norwegian and Swedish ) went on a size 14,... Names: Alfred Hitchcock tale, it 's that one guy the 2 watch. Home to Sven 's house one evening and heard noises upstairs with confidence! Stahl, Ole lived across the Minnesota River the hell vould you ``. In da pickle slicer. evening and heard noises upstairs area and laughed at his table the... Night? everson, Lars and Tena invited a well-to-do Uncle for you sell them a Norwegian, guy..., and they 're boat for sale ) Why does the Norwegian said, `` this ai no! Sven. Lutherans of Scandinavian heritage ( mostly Norwegian and Swedish ) the. Norwegian military boats have barcodes on them inches of snow today and a emergency! Ordered a glass of wine for her sender should shift his course 10 degrees the!
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norwegian jokes about swedes